Day 1,865 of my rein as Queen. 

                After a long battle with my old servants and their below standard service, I decided to take up residence at Feather and Fur Animal Hospital.  My old servants took to calling me Apricot but I was not fond of this name.  My new servants thought Lily seemed to fit my Royal Purriness better.  I agreed that they could be granted the privilege to address me by that from now on. Most of my day is spent supervising the help and making sure they attend to my every need.  I enjoy being well groomed, my bowl being kept full of my favorite delicacy at all times, and lounging where I please.  So far these new servants have been very obedient and have been taking care of these things. 

Day 1,866 of my rein as Queen.

                The servants have agreed to let me have full rein of the building now.  After confinement to my bedroom chamber for about a week, it feels good to stretch my legs.  I am not sure why I was confined to this one space for so long.  One of the female servants  (technician) kept asking the large male servant (Dr. Blatt) if they could keep me as a clinic cat. I’m not sure what exactly they meant by “keep me” like I was some sort of pet or something. Silly humans. They seem to delude themselves that I am a pet, not that they were actually put on this earth to serve me, however if this makes them feel better I am glad to play along.

Day 1,967 of my rein as Queen.

                So far my stay here has been above par. The servants are doing great at their job and taking care of all my requests. However today they started making comments about someone being “on the chubby side”.  I’m not sure who they are referring to. They insisted I get on this table to take a picture.  Something about someone being pregnant.  I knew they could not be talking about me considering I'm spayed, but I couldn’t deny my public from a picture of my beauty.  Therefore, I humored the servants and let them take my picture by the big loud camera.  The picture was very strange. I’m not sure what angle they took it from. I need to find out for future photo shoots, because it was definitely not my best side.  All I could see in it was my stomach, heart, lungs, and other organs.  The servants seemed to find this funny.  They laughed and said something about a “diet”.  I am not sure what this is but it doesn’t sound good.  I must do more research on this subject.

Day 1,968 of my rein as Queen.

            I have plotted many ways during the night in my bedroom chamber of how I can punish my servants if they disappoint me. I know the ones they call “kennel techs” hate when I defecate outside my box or dump over my food bowl. I can also shred bags of food that the servants plan to sell to show off my sneak attack capabilities. There are many other ways I can torment my subjects but I plan to find out if I need to punish them before I take any action.

            I have made it my mission today to find out what this diet thing is that my servants have been talking about. I have stationed myself behind one of the computers in the main treatment area in the hospital to spy on them. They keep exclaiming on how cute I am sleeping behind the computer, little do they know I'm using my cuteness to eavesdrop on their conversations. They keep talking about all these different kinds of food, Science diet r/d and w/d, Purina OM, Iams weight loss. It sounds like they are planning a feast for me. This “Diet” sounds great! Maybe my servants are not undermining me as I once thought. I suppose I can let them live another day in peace.

Day 1,970 of my rein as Queen,

This diet thing is not working out as I had expected. Apparently the definition of diet is a small portion of glorified cardboard that I'm only given twice a day. I'm so hungry. I keep following the servants around and telling them that my bowl is not full and I'm not at all pleased with this “diet”. They just laugh and say “What Lil'? Aw, your so cute with your chatter.” I'll show them cute! Stupid humans. Don't they know that I'm wasting away? All I do is dream of food, and plot how to get more of it. This “diet” is an abomination! My servants will pay for this one!

Day 2,001 of my rein as Queen,

         Well the diet thing has not improved. The servants still insist on feeding me this horrible cuisine and in these ridiculous mouse size portions, saying I need to lose weight. Imagine that, me losing weight? Don't they know how beautiful and voluptuous I am?

         However, today, they have added a new form of torture. Not only have they put me on a diet, they have decided to dress me up as if I'm some stupid dog. The keep telling me how pretty I look in this ridiculous costume and laugh. First I'm chubby, then I'm so pretty,. These people are crazy! I don't need a costume, or a diet, my fur fits just fine.

Day 2,020 of my reign as Queen,

      I have found myself a new thrown to rein over my subjects this week. It is the perfect place to keep on an eye on all my servants and make sure they are doing their jobs. It is a much better spot to ease drop than behind the computers. I've gotten tangled in the cords to many times now.The servants have taken to this new thrown rather well too. They painted it a lovely shade of green that goes well with my eyes, put my food bowl and water up there, and other toys/feathers in it to keep me entertained. The large man servant (Dr. Blatt) keeps telling me however that “I'm not going to be staying there”. He may be up to something. I may need to keep my eye on this one to make sure he is not trying to over throw my crown. Which in that case, this little haven of mine is the perfect place to spy and keep tabs on him. I think I shall make this my new place to lay all the time. Besides, no one tells the queen what to do!

Day 2,035 of my reign as Queen.

               I'M STARVING!

Day 2,038 of my reign as Queen.

               I think I'm wasting away. I may not make it to my next meal. Good bye loyal subjects.

Day 2,040 of my reign as Queen.

Dear PITA,

              I'm writing to you as a victim of animal cruelty. My subjects have revolted against me. I'm starving to death here. They feed me what tastes like sadness. Not to mention it's only twice a day and could not even fill a mouse's belly. I think you should send me one of your secret hidden cameras so that I can expose this abuse on 20/20. Please get back to me soon!  I'm not sure how much longer I can make it.

                                                                  Sincerely,

                                                                           A starving Kitty -Lily

Day 2,050 of my reign as Queen.

Miss Cleo, will I ever be fed friskies again?

Day 2,060 of my reign as Queen.

               I'VE GAINED A POUND! I'm pretty sure its a pound of evil from what they are feeding me. I have decided to take matters into my own hands since PITA is not calling me back or sent over Barbara Walters to interview me. Today I scratched up the walls in the treatment area, pooped outside my box in my bedroom, and tore up many a bag of food in the food closet in revolt to my humiliation of being put on the metal table and being told that I have gotten fatter by the servants. Hopefully this gets my point across of my disapproval of the service here.

Day 2,072 of my reign as Queen.

            To all my loyal subjects,

                     I have fallen ill this week. My servants have been taking good care of me though. I had a temperature of 105 degrees yesterday and I did not feel well at all. The servants took turns giving me loves and checking on me all day. They did do a few things to my dislike, like draw my blood to send to the lab, take my temperature rectally multiple times throughout the day, and force me to take horrible medicine that tastes like bubble gum. However I was fed friskies when I turned my nose up at my "diet" food.  So this being sick things isn't half bad. I may have to pretend I don't feel good more often. Hopefully I will be back to my old self soon. Until then I'm going to take some time off my blog to recover and get plenty of rest in my kitty bed. I will write again soon.

                              XOXO,

                                       Queen Lily.

Day 2,076 of my reign as Queen.

               Today I saw snow for the first time. It looked like little kitty treats falling from the sky. I sat in my nice warm bed and watched out the window all day wondering what these treats from heaven taste like. Until this afternoon...... One of my servants decided I needed to meet real snow. She put a leash on me like a dog and took me outside! Can you believe it?!?! Me, Outside! I do not belong outside. And this wonderful thing they called snow was not wonderful at all. It was cold, and wet, and not something I could eat. I was not amused. Note to self :treats do not fall from the sky, they are only put in my bowl by my staff.

Day 2,100 of my reign as Queen.

            Well spring is definitely upon us. The dogs have taken this to heart too. We have had 3 dogs in the span of one week come in with puppies. I heard the little rug rats making strange noises in a box on friday. Of course I hate dogs but I had to make sure that my staff see to it that they quiet down soon. They were interrupting my mid afternoon nap. I just couldn't have that. When I realized my staff was fussing over the mother of these creatures I had to take matters into my own hands. So I peeked in the box. They were pretty darn cute, but don't let my staff know I said that. When they showed them to me again infront of the owner I made sure to hiss and spit at them so they would not know my secret. However I will take the puppies over the snow.

Day 2,115 of my reign as Queen.

            Well I'm still on this “diet” thing. I've gotten use to starving to death and dreaming all day of food. The servants put me on the nasty metal table again today. They said I have lost weight but not enough. I think they should be happy I lost at all.Hello! Quality over quantity people. I'm wondering if there is something I can do to speed up this weight loss. I want to get back to my normal food not this cardboard junk. So I decided that since I'm living in a hospital that I would take inventory of our drugs. There has got to be something in all those pill bottles that would be a magic weight loss pill for a voluptuous felines such as myself. Unfortunately all I found was antibiotics, pain relief, deworms, and something called inedi-stool with a picture of a dog on it. No surprise that something related to eating poop would have a dog's picture on it. No cat would ever eat something so foul. So much for the magic diet pills, back to the cardboard.

Day 2,124 of my reign as Queen.

         I think my servants are revolting against me. Today my arch nemisis “El Nino” came to stay with us. I loath him. My staff said something about him being deaf. I don't know what exactly that is, but the cat does not shut up. He is constantly yelling at the top of his lungs in my bedroom chamber. I yell at him all the time to be quiet but he just keeps talking! I haven't slept in a week cause he talks all night long. I tried stealing his food from his bowl thinking maybe if I torment him back he would get the idea, but no. He just got louder! My staff just laughs every time he screams too. I think they tell him to torment me. They are very sneaky in their ways to annoy me. However I am sneaker. Perhaps I shall claw up the large male servant's (Dr. Blatt) chair as punishment for them making me share my kingdom with this annoying creature.

Day 2,135 of my reign as Queen,

               I LOST WEIGHT! ! ! ! I was 12 pounds and now I am down to 10.3 pounds. Thats a significant amount of weight loss for a cat. High five me! I'm almost back to my kittenish figure. My staff said they are very proud of me but I'm not done yet. Sheesh are theys people never satisfied? Maybe I will reward myself by steeling some food from the kittens who are in the kennel boarding below me. Love me some kitty McDonalds.

Day 2,148 of my reign as Queen,

            It's really sad what a cat will do for food these days. I saw canned food that wasn't diet food waved in my face and I would have  tap danced if I was asked to. But this? To put it nicely.... I was not amused. What I do for my public.

Day 2,172 of my reign as Queen,

         My minions have finally got their heads on straight and are serving me to the optimum level. Today they put in a snack bar for my enjoyment in the reception area. It is full of these tasty little rodents for my picking. The location is perfect location between my lovely bedroom and my supervising seat on the computer. I can just cruise by and grab a snack on my way to either location. Now all I need is opposable thumbs to open the dang lid!

Day 21 of my life as a Commoner,

               My crown has been over thrown! My servants have revolted against me! About 3 weeks ago a stinky, old, bag of bones of a feline showed up at our door step. My servants ran to her aid. They brushed her, bathed her, fed her my favorite dishes I am no longer allowed to have since they say I’m “chubby” and generally fussed over her like she was the royalty. Can you imagine?!?!  I was outraged! How could this ragged old hag draw more attention than my Royal Silk Highness?  At first I thought maybe she was just a charity case my servants were taking care of, but she is still here!  My servants have even given her a name!  They call her Radar, which I have to admit at least I got a better name than her. However they have now started letting her walk around my home and telling me “Lil what do you think of your new friend?” I HATE HER! I try to express this to my servants by spitting and hissing in her general direction and sulking in my bedroom chamber.  My servants laugh at me and tell me to be nice, but I see that look in the old hag’s eyes she is here to take over.  The only servant who is working in my favor these days is the tall man (Dr. Blatt). He keeps saying that she is not staying. I must reward him for this. Maybe with one of the many crickets I have killed this week.  Maybe he and I can plot against this “Radar” and I can once again reign as queen of Feather and Fur.